UNBEARABLE

Wavering between
Unbearableness
Numbness
Avoidance
Confusion
Frustration
Eventually coming back to
Everything seeming unbearable

Always so good at
Pushing through the emotions
Accomplishing things
Moving shadows out of the way
Shining light in the darkness
Normalizing the emptiness
Focusing on what’s next

I obsess with minutiae
I work harder than ever
I perfect things
I keep going
I wear myself out
I pass out
I start over

The days and nights
Run together
The weeks fly by
The minutes slow down
Time an illusion
With no past or future

I have never been so happy
Out of nowhere
It surprised me
I have never been so sad
Out of nowhere
It surprised me
A reality swap
Like a cosmic joke

By now I should have
Understood it
Made sense of it
Seen the truth in it
Dealt with it
Moved through it
Stopped it
I haven’t

Summer has ended
Fall has begun
The seasons change
The temperature cools
The light decreases
My heart remains
Unmovable

With a gasp
That takes my
Breathe away
I realize the
Unbearable part is that
I really may never
Hear from you again
In this lifetime